Why High-Achieving Women Struggle with Anxiety (and How It Shows Up in Your Body)

The Hidden Cost of “Having It All Together”

Our culture praises women for being strong, capable, and always on. Yet the very women who look unstoppable — executives, leaders, entrepreneurs, mothers — are often lying awake at 2 a.m. with racing thoughts, a tight chest, and a nervous system that simply won’t switch off.

This is the paradox of anxiety in high-achieving women: on the outside you look composed, but inside you’re carrying exhaustion, overwhelm, and an overworked nervous system.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. Many women I work with live this same reality.

Why High-Achievers Experience Anxiety Differently

Anxiety doesn’t look the same for everyone. For high-achievers, it often shows up as:

• Overthinking and replaying conversations.

• Difficulty resting because your mind is always “working.”

• Physical tension (tight jaw, shallow breath, clenched chest).

• Struggling to say no because your worth is tied to performance.

• A creeping sense that no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.

Psychoeducation Layer:

Neuroscience shows that your brain and body adapt to your environment. If you’ve spent years striving, proving yourself, or equating achievement with safety, your nervous system learns to stay activated.

This isn’t a flaw — it’s biology. Your sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight) is like an engine that never cools. You may look calm to others, but inside your system is on overdrive.

“Anxiety is not a flaw in the system; it is the system working too hard for too long without enough recovery.”

— adapted from Stephen Porges

The Nervous System’s Story

To truly understand stress and anxiety, we can look to polyvagal theory — a groundbreaking framework by Dr. Stephen Porges that maps the states of the nervous system.

Your body isn’t broken; it’s telling a story:

• Fight/Flight: The drive to achieve, control, anticipate.

• Freeze: Brain fog, numbness, or shutting down.

• Ventral Vagal (Regulated State): Calm focus, grounded presence, and authentic connection — what I call core presence.

When you live in constant fight/flight, you rarely touch this regulated state. That’s why it can take days on vacation to truly feel relaxed — your nervous system doesn’t yet trust it’s safe to let go.

This is the key to nervous system regulation: teaching your body that it is safe enough to rest.

A Personal Note

I’ve seen brilliant women with flawless résumés soften into tears when I say: “It makes sense that you feel anxious. Your nervous system has been running a marathon without a finish line.”

That moment of recognition is often the beginning of healing. Because anxiety in high-achieving women isn’t a personal failure — it’s the body’s plea for relief.

Mini Session: Practices to Regulate Your Nervous System

These short practices combine somatic therapy for anxiety, mindfulness, EMDR resourcing, IFS parts work, and polyvagal-informed tools. Try one today:

1. Somatic Mindfulness Practice

Ground & Breathe

• Sit with feet on the floor.

• Press heels gently down.

• Notice: the chair supporting you, the ground beneath you.

• Inhale for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat three times.

• Whisper silently: “I am supported.”

👉 Notice: Does your chest soften? Is your breath fuller?

2. EMDR Resourcing

Safe Place Visualization

• Close your eyes. Imagine a place where you feel safe.

• Add sensory details: colors, sounds, textures.

• Stay here for 30 seconds.

Later, return to this visualization when anxiety spikes.

3. IFS Parts Work Reflection

Often, anxiety is a part of you — not all of you.

Journaling prompt:

• Ask this part: “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t keep me on alert?”

• Respond as your grounded self: “Thank you for protecting me. You don’t have to do it all alone anymore.”

4. Polyvagal Reset

• Shake It Out

• Stand and shake arms, legs, shoulders for 30 seconds.

• Add a big sigh or yawn.

This simple reset discharges stress hormones and signals safety to your body.

Closing: An Invitation to Core Presence

Anxiety in high-achieving women isn’t weakness — it’s the body’s natural response to years of overwork, pressure, and responsibility. The good news? You can learn to regulate your nervous system, reclaim calm, and reconnect with your core presence.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

— Audre Lorde

If this resonates, imagine practicing these tools with a trusted guide. This is the heart of my work: depth-oriented, evidence-based, relational therapy and coaching for women ready to feel calm under pressure.